Following along with cloth wizard Jude Hill —Jude Hill’s Spirit Cloth–and for the past so many months have been actively participating in her workshop–Spirit Diaries that has now morphed into a “What If” approach to expressing self through the medium of fiber. I’m thinking about that now. About expressing. Expression. To express. Thinking about the meaning as well as the “why” of it all. To express, to represent by sign or symbol. To symbolize. Yes? But no. Here’s the definition I prefer–“to squeeze or press out.” That’s it. That’s what expressing self through fiber feels like. To squeeze out, wring out, distill self to bare essence, and then convey THAT. And I’m wondering now, why in the world do I do this–why do I TRY to do this? This excavation of self. And honestly, I don’t know. I know when I succeed at it–or don’t. I just don’t know why. And have arrived at the point where I realize that asking “why” is simply a futile exercise. It doesn’t matter. This is what I do simply because I can’t help myself– something inside is demanding to get out.
But really it’s so much more than that. It’s a process that pits me straight flat up next to all sorts of things. Assumptions. Beliefs. Fears. Joys. Truths. Understanding self. Understanding period. To express self. It’s a process that sometimes feels like a journey through a meat grinder. And sometimes it feels like a magic plunge down a long water slide. So I could go on and on here but let’s not, just for the sake of attention span.
This “What If-ing” began as a study of white. White? Yep. White. And I was stuck from the beginning. Just now pulled up some images I was seeing in my nearby environment, thinking about pattern, shadow, texture. Thinking about the meaning of white. I kept at it because of a sense that there was some kernel of knowledge to be gleaned by simply doing it, even though I didn’t want to. Didn’t resonate with it. Resisted it big time. And what’s come from this process has been very interesting indeed. White. All color? Absence of color? I don’t know really. But it’s come to represent, during this white what-if-ing–it’s come to represent a non-dual state. A state of inclusiveness. That existence is not either/or. Not this or that. Not one thing or another. But everything. This AND that. One thing AND another. The pain WITH the pleasure. It just all IS. And for me, freedom comes with the acceptance and acknowledgement of that. So here. I was looking at white and not white. Curve and line. Inside outside. Animal, plant. Reflection and shadow.
a field of sunflowers in winter
the start of kombucha
my nest
inside outside
polarized rice and water
onion
white quartz. a gift from boy
hands
shepherd
shape in the banana’s center
And this came out of all of THAT. All of what I’ve tried to express in words. This became my understanding of what I’ve said here.
The first one is “Seeing Through.”
And then this. ” Freedom”
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