Knowing where to look

7 Nov

First of all…and maybe the most important… we have a moonscape here. A view of it…rising. Rising. This moon has been huge and it looks full now. And it was clearly rising in the east. And I wondered…I guess for the first time…”Does the moon always rise in the east?”

Often, in mountains especially, I have no idea which way I’m pointed. I know things like “up or down the road.” That’s what’s important. “Towards town or away from town.” That’s how I explain locations. But here, on this spot of earth, a bit elevated, I know exactly where the compass points are. So I knew I was looking due east. And for some reason that seems important. To know…to know where to look.

So I googled “moon rise” and learned that the moon pretty much always rises from an easterly point. I’m wondering now why I never asked that before. Maybe it doesn’t matter but it seems important now. Because it speaks of some kind of orientation that I can really feel. The spin and movement of the universe. The sense of standing on the back of this planet as it spins its way through the universe. And knowing where to look for the moon.

We are in the basement of the house where we will be living. The upstairs living space is uninhabitable at the moment. A construction zone.

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It’s been like this for a while now. No progress. But lots of excuses. And so yesterday we–my sister and I–we fired our contractor. It was amazingly liberating. To take the process into our own hands. To step up and know that we can arrange for plumbing, tile, electrical and carpentry just as well–and perhaps better than–a busy contractor who really showed our home little respect. Wood floors have been ruined. They were oiled floors. Recycled oak from an old barn. Planed, cut, installed and then simply oiled. And though we stressed many multiple times that the floors had to be covered, they were not. And now sheetrock dust is captured in the grain and the oil, and although I’ve scrubbed and scrubbed, it does not come out. So…Sanding will have to happen. Sanding and sealing and days more added to our basement sojourn…which looks like this…

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and yesterday, straight from the Land of Enchantment…a copper pot for dyeing

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and a cloth…really my favorite of all favorite colors…

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In probably a month or so we will be upstairs. And right now, that is just fine. Dogs are becoming acclimated to space and to each other. And we are all learning what it means to live in community again. But I found myself yesterday wondering when I would feel the movement of needing to speak with cloth. I don’t have a work spot yet that feels conducive. I don’t have the window to sit in front of that provides the old inspiration. I haven’t found my spot just yet. The knowing-where-to-look spot. So I’m biding my time. Watching this.

15 Responses to “Knowing where to look”

  1. Marti November 7, 2014 at 8:05 am #

    Until you find your spot and you will, I would take the lovely cloth, drape it around your shoulders, take the wonderful homecoming gift of the copper pot,(something about copper, yes it is metal but the copper color speaks of warmth), and simply, take a few moments from your busy settling in days and walk your land, picking up windfall here and there. When you come back to your temp home in the basement, find a spot for this pot, now filled with possibilities and love from the land of enchantment. It is a big pot so it can also hold the blessings and love from others, those of us who follow your threads, and always feel connected from the journey.

    Patricia, your spirit, strength and resilience are so evident with this post…Home is what is made from acceptance, hard work and meeting each day with determination…you are Home, the rest will work itself out.

    • Patricia November 12, 2014 at 8:00 am #

      i have done as you suggested–gathered windfall, draped purple over shoulders and still waiting for the space to reveal itself. i re-read this post, wondering just what i had said could reflect strength and resilience? and i don’t know. and i’m also yearning for what you say…home…the sense that this is home. once in a while i get a glimpse of that, but for now, we’re in total problem-solving mode…trouble shooting and wondering things like “who in the world could fix something like that?” the answers are filtering in slowly. i think in a week or so there will be some sense that this will not go on forever. thank you Marti. for your words, support and friendship.

      • Marti November 13, 2014 at 7:34 am #

        Resilience: First and foremost, down in that basement, you have made a home; if that word doesn’t seem real to you, then let’s say that you have made a shelter/ dwelling and in the words of Jude and grace,you are just going, dealing with each day. You could have stayed in a motel maybe while all of this was going on but you chose to hunker down and be Home. (I do hope, however, that you all are able to stay warm in the midst of all of this construction.)

        Strength:You and your sister did not let this situation with the contractors drag on, you made a hard decision and I doubt that I could have done so. Plus you didn’t shy away from the hardness of this move, you shared it with all of us and that leads me to my final comment:

        Spirit: In the midst of all of this, you find the time to share it with us, to speak of the worry, the hardship as well as the beauty of the moon;of pot and cloth and show us in photos and words how it is. You will find your spot, and maybe there may be more than one as you continue; thing is here in this world of blogging, you have found your spot among all of us.

  2. Liz November 7, 2014 at 8:59 am #

    It’s hard to follow a comment like Marti’s … so full of love and wisdom
    But I would add one thing to “Knowing where to look” as I too have recently realized how little I knew of the moon … and that is “Knowing when to look”
    It’s magical really, the dance of the moon … and as I awoke this morning after several days of much-needed rain clouds, I saw the light playing on the wall from the west windows and murmured “Full moon”
    May you soon be looking out your windows at the wonder of your new world from the warmth of your new nest

    • Patricia November 12, 2014 at 8:02 am #

      yes yes yes. liz, i’m taking pictures of shadows in this space. and reflections. not moon pics but light from other sources and it creates the same kind of awe…a sense of magic. and i am so grateful when these vignettes grab my attention because they remind me of the otherness that is real. thank you for visiting during this adventure.

  3. jude November 7, 2014 at 9:29 am #

    ha, you surfaced, even if it is underground… winter feels a bit like that here, as we squeeze down into less space. still there is always a spot to dream.

    • Patricia November 12, 2014 at 8:03 am #

      oh, a spot to dream. i’m thinking about rolling around on the hard cement floor until i locate it. that spot.

  4. Mo Crow November 7, 2014 at 10:03 am #

    Oh Patricia, Wow! getting to know your new house from the ground up! is there a cosy place right next to the heater where you can set up a good strong light for stitching?

    • Patricia November 12, 2014 at 8:05 am #

      i’m looking for that cozy spot Mo. and no, there is no heater here. central natural gas for now, but we don’t like to use it. still, this morning i noticed some scraps that somehow or other surfaced and i think there is a cloth coming.

  5. beth November 7, 2014 at 11:58 am #

    I had four long distance moves under my belt by the time I was 15. The younger I was, the more delightful and adventuresome the moves felt. And then there was the heady nest leaving moves of my own as a young adult. After having lived here, in the house we built, for nearly 20 years… I would find it utterly exhausting to move. I think a big part of that is the constant decision making. So what I am wishing for you is some of that joyful adventuresomeness. Camping in the basement. How I might have viewed that as a child… And I hope you can reclaim your beautiful floors…

    • Patricia November 12, 2014 at 8:13 am #

      i just counted up…trying to figure out the number of major moves and there have been 12. twelve states. twelve re=locations…and that doesn’t include relocating within the same general vicinity. if i counted those, i imagine the number would be closer to 15 or more. and this strikes me as absolutely nuts and maybe even telling of something amiss. but then i remember the reasons behind each move and they still seem valid, yes, moving is a workout and even when i think i’m giddy enough to really see with a child’s eyes, the body is making a lot of noise…like “pay attention to feet, to back, to neck.” the floors will be re=sanded and can be salvaged. thanks for your concern.

  6. Dana November 7, 2014 at 4:01 pm #

    Your new house has already offered you two chances to see yourself differently. You are newly aware of the movements of the moon (your house is a vantage point that you didn’t have before) and you have been liberated into a more powerful position regarding it’s construction. I think this bodes well for your eventual happiness there even though its hard work and rough living right now. I hate moving, but this looks like a move forward to me. I’m glad your computer is working so we can cheer you on.

    • Patricia November 12, 2014 at 8:16 am #

      you nailed this…the liberation of speaking up…of voicing the unacceptable. finding voice. it was harder than i would have thought, but clearly the right thing to do. the dust is so thick, literally and otherwise, that i’m struggling to see the proverbial light, but i know it must be there, and i gain strength with you words, that happiness (although i’d have to say i’m maintaining a relatively happy perspective) that happiness will prevail. thank you so much Dana.

  7. windthread.typepad.com November 7, 2014 at 8:37 pm #

    i have studied all these pics up close…looking like i know you do…looking close at detail.
    And really, although i cannot IMAGINE leaving here, i find myself feeling some exhillaration at all this…am able to remember how it felt to INHABIT an unknown space, thinking what goes where…so i am excited and i think that the month of All Together will be the perfect beginning for when you all rise up and claim your own spaces. DEAR and BEST Hope….what a life she now has?!!!!! She never could have imagined, but here she IS, Just Going…this makes me SMILLLLLLLLE….dear small her.
    And when you get your window and get to knowing where you rise and set, oh, and eeee.
    THANK YOU SO MUCH for taking the Time and Wherewithall to include us….Thank You
    and am so happy that the pot is there…reassuring you of things Waiting when it’s Time.
    OH, LOVE to you, so much

    • Patricia November 12, 2014 at 9:12 am #

      dear small Hope is adjusting better than anyone. better than the other 2 BIG dogs who she just met…better than anything and i’m taking some comfort in that. and trying to model her just going-ness. there is just so much. so many decisions. so many construction questions and timing of which gets done first so as not to impede the work flow…and now that we are acting as contractors, we’re responsible for that. oh, it’s almost funny. being asked questions and meeting the questions with a blank stare and the thoughts but not spoken ones…”you’re asking me?” yes, there is humor here. love and gratitude to you

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