I really know so little. So very little. And the things I think I do know–I have to ask–how much of that is mine? And how much has simply settled upon me–fallout from multiple sources, so to speak, that leads to ideas and opinions and notions and convictions that–when REALLY examined–may or may not have authentic genesis within my own being? So asking these questions this morning, I’m thinking about knowing. About how I come to know things. To know truths. My own truths. And where do the certainties of these truths come from?
There was a time–many many moons ago–when questions like this arose as mental exercises brought on by, oh–you know–substances. And unlike Bill, I did inhale. But this morning, these questions are arising organically. Along with the need to arrive at the purest part of self–that essential nugget that knows and has always known what is real and what is not.
I’m tempted to bail on this posting. And out of discretion I may do so, but for now I’m going to continue. At any moment grandson will fly in the backdoor and I will be pulled out of this place and into the day. And that will be good. But now….
Now I’m thinking about yesterday. About what happened here. Women gathered. In circle. And although the hearth was lit by candles rather than large flame, the gathering around fire felt ancient and full of eons of tradition. And I heard the question “will the circle be unbroken” and the answer. “The circle is intact. The center holds.”
For me it was a threshold and a personal passage. Intention set for what remains of my days. Intention to subscribe only to authentic, pure, undistilled essential self-truths. And helping to set that intention, the presence of the women here–and artifacts from women afar. Grace’s altar cloth.
Mo’s “The Talinistic 2013” art print. Linda’s “Love Altar.” 
But now my train of thought has been diverted. Grandson is querying how many miles a minute the washer is spinning. “Fast, I tell him.
Very fast.” So go my days.
following thread 
I love this post, I feel so much the same way that I know so little, I am going to be sixty this year, should I know more, I feel I should.
I should be a wise woman by now but I am still learning new things every day and sometimes feeling very ignorant and a little lost. Your circle of women sounds comforting I am still on the edge even after all these years.
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hi Debbie. thanks for your comment here. i have to tell you that after i read your comment, i had to check around inside to see how this all felt–how the sense of “knowing so little” actually feels. and i have to tell you, it feels wonder full and liberating at the same time. i seem to be starting over on many levels of my life. and one of them is dropping mental constructs that no longer support any thing. of course i first have to identify them–and then there was the concern that if i spent all of my time identifying about what is “real”for me–well then, what happens to spontaneity? and i realized that the real thing being called for here–the truth behind the question of knowing or not knowing–for me at least–is simply navigating from my heart rather than from my head. does that make any sense?
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I feel so honored that my “lovealtar” was a part of your ritual…thank you.
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oh yes! a huge part–,much love
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“seeing with the heart” y’know about 10 years ago I had found that the hard things life had thrown my way or I had fallen into had made me retreat and make a protective shell around my heart. I was surprised to find myself trapped behind a wall of my own making and how much I had closed myself off from the world but once I could see it I could start working on opening the gateways by slowly reaching out one little tendril at a time, love does find a way.
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BTW I inhaled quite a lot too but had to stop when I was diagnosed with throat cancer nearly 10 years ago nothing like a life threatening situation to bring what’s truly important in this lifetime into a high relief!
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yes. a wall of our own making. the wonderful thing about that is the ability to unmake. and for me, intellectualizing has run its course. my head, my mind, has led me astray more times than i can count. my heart–that place, that sense–yes–the rose compass.
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i love this. how lucky we are, lucky in the finest sense of the word, to Arrive at this point
in our lives.
and i think it will all go well if we simply continue to Ask The Question every day. as you
have given words to above. it’s the constant. the Question, that energizes the Reorientation around Truth? i think.
and what a rush to see the Altar Cloth at work….
Just Such Big Love To You, Patricia…oh if i could join your circle, just once.
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oh, but Grace–don’t you see. you are the circle .
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Beautiful
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you were missed!
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