Settling and Shifting

23 Jul

This post is a catch up for me.  So many changes.  So many shifts.  Subtle and not so.  And now finally the feeling of settling again.  But this is what my days look like to me.  Time tearing along at its own accelerated pace.  time flying
and I’m a streamer on the end of its tail. Hanging on tenaciously. And sometimes just barely.

In WV during this time of year, well more into August actually, when the air is so still and thick you can part it with a machete, locals say we’re in the “dog days.” Nothing to do with dogs. Supposedly a time when you don’t have to worry so much about stepping on snakes because they’re shedding their skin, and the skin coming off covers their eyes and they can’t see–and so they’re less aggressive. We’re told. It’s that hot here. And that still. It’s almost a tornado kind of still. Except for afternoon thunderstorms. And in the morning, condensation on foliage makes me think it rained the night before. But no. This is just a congreagation of dew holding morning service.ele ear
and the fly on the leaf–well, when the air is this heavy, flight is harder.

And before I fed Logan breakfast, because he’s staying here for a while–bed room under construction and other things–
waiting for breakfast

I ran next door to feed my neighbor’s dogs and when I was returning I heard an insistent tapping on the window and it was Logan pointing out this–another flying friend simply waiting for the atmosphere to lighten up.butterfly

And now I remember the first thing I saw this morning. Nine crows. Five walking right down the middle of the road. And four walking next to them on the sidewalk. They walked with a purpose–obviously on a mission–going some where. Where? And they walked until they were out of sight. Maybe 500 yards. And really, it was a divine spectacle. So fine I didn’t think about grabbing my camera.

But I said “shifting” at the start of this blog. Called this blog “shifting.” It’s hard to pin down. These shifts. More like things arising that have me wondering, “Why now?” Specifically, why now am I REALLY drawn to feminine energy? Feminine creative energy? Energy as in Shakti energy–and although this is really SO unlike me–I’ve got to say it–Goddess energy. Why now. I’ve ALWAYS been squirmy when someone would start the Lord’s Prayer by saying, “Our Mother who art…” Really squirmy. It felt so contrived. And I never would have imagined substituting “Mother” in one of my favorite hymns–“This Is My Father’s World.”

So what’s going on here? I say all of this acknowledging that I’ve always felt on even par with men. Never felt inferior, less than–or more than. Have experienced serious irritation around discrepancies in pay in the work place–and frequently wonder why/how men have managed to get into control and muck things up so much. But generally it’s just not an avenue of thought I’ve chosen to pursue. I looked around my home. Were there any telltale signs? Any female deities? Not really.

Only these–a gift from my mother–an example of how she saw me farm woman
and this. Apache Woman by Santa Fe artist, Amy Stein:
apache woman

Nothing else that sings for the feminine — sure, a few pictures of my daughter, mother and grandmother–but nothing to explain this sudden awareness/respect/understanding/embracing of the feminine aspect of creation. No indications at all.

Then the other day I was napping in the afternoon–hot, sweaty–kind of a feverish nap. And woke up suddenly almost in a panic. Wondering. Where WAS she? This THING I made 20 years ago. I never understood why and even who she was but I knew i needed to see her right then–need to see her regularly. And I was afraid she hadn’t made the trip here, to NC, because so much didn’t make the trip. But there she was, ignominiously wrapped in cardboard. Patiently waiting. She’s gaudy. Yes. But she’s something else, too. And she arrived unexpectedly at a time I was shaping primitive figures out of rebar wire and covering them with muslin and paint. Animal figures for the most part. Or at least half animal half human. But SHE is clearly her own self:
goddess

and her counterpart was already in progress before I remembered her.
goddess

so it’s this forgetting that’s shifted–shifted towards reclaiming– re-connecting with this basic, intrinsic, primal unharnessed wild energy– And I hear again as I’ve been hearing for some time–and maybe have posted it before–I keep hearing something that sounds like primal howling coming from the center of the earth. From the womb. And it is clearly time. For me. To acknowledge this.

And I suppose that’s the “shift” I was sensing.

14 Responses to “Settling and Shifting”

  1. julie July 23, 2013 at 12:52 am #

    I have these times too, the tectonic plates inside me start to loosen and shift along some cosmic fault line. Isnt it great to be able to stand back and let the shift happen? Your crow description, reminds me of those birds in Disney’s Dumbo.

    • Patricia July 23, 2013 at 10:05 am #

      oh Julie–i couldn’t believe my eyes when i read this. rubbed them and blinked and looked again and yes, you did say Disney’s Dumbo and this is so utterly amazing. that you wrote this. because…
      because i do not have a television and so Logan does all sorts of things other than that…but at night, after shower and after he reads to me, which last night was “is your mama a llama” i let him watch something on netflix. and recently he is letting me pick for him because i”m on a roll and have chosen some short movies that he’s loved–mowgli for one. but last night. yes. last night he watched DUMBO and i SAW those very crows you’re talking about and they were wonder full.

  2. thessa July 23, 2013 at 1:31 am #

    Been watching a major “feminine” wave coming in, even in the men. It’s a cosmic speak up. Seems to me. Making a stand, claiming space and a patient, powerful, demanding through sound and voice. Like the rolling thunder running overhead for several consecutive days. Your catching its wave makes me feel connected – that we’re all in it together.

    • Patricia July 23, 2013 at 10:08 am #

      love that expression–“a cosmic speak up.” and this feminine wave–yes, that’s it. and i think it’s a tsunami. we are in it together. that’s the wonder of it all.

  3. Mo Crow July 23, 2013 at 8:39 am #

    oh! our beautiful planet is calling & so many people are responding with heart and soul, doing a happy dance here

    • Patricia July 23, 2013 at 10:10 am #

      i hear the rhythm of your feet dancing. and i’m remembering some thing else now. some thing a wise old mentor told me one time–that when he gardened he knew he was caressing the back of God. HER back.

  4. elizabeth eve July 23, 2013 at 12:22 pm #

    This image that awakened you the other day – this image for me has always been feminine – has always spoken to me….partly because you created it out of your unconscious and partly because she has hidden in my heart too. This image is still on my business cards after all of these years and I think of you every time I see it. I also am taken back to the ancient ones when I see her. Blessings on this rainy Tuesday morning!

    • Patricia July 23, 2013 at 1:04 pm #

      yes. the ancient ones. i sense them stirring in the tress out back and can only imagine the ruckus they’re making on your mountain side! love to you.

  5. debbie.weaver July 23, 2013 at 2:20 pm #

    Brilliant post, I suspect you have touched a cord here that is reflected in so many women, a primal urge to celebrate the oneness of the feminine with Mother Earth, we just don’t always recognise it.

    • Patricia July 24, 2013 at 2:47 pm #

      hi Debbie. yes, you are right i think in that we don’t always recognise it. or honor it. or as in my case, are simply slow in getting it. thanks for stopping by.

  6. Beth July 23, 2013 at 4:04 pm #

    Oh yes. Tapping into something deep and rich and primal here.

    • Patricia July 24, 2013 at 2:48 pm #

      and i don’t know why but also–not quite scary–but awe full–if you know what i mean.

  7. karmadondruplhamo, (grace) July 24, 2013 at 4:46 pm #

    and i think it’s important to keep tapping in, just keep watching/feeling, letting it come
    as it will to YOU, in a very personal way, as well as archtypal…

    • Patricia July 25, 2013 at 12:35 pm #

      it seems to have a life of its own–and i’m just the witness

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